April 2010...I came across a lady on Facebook that I had heard speak at the Christian Womanhood Spectacular in 2008. I remember sitting in the back of the room listening to her speak about "Jesus, her knight-in-shining armor." I marveled at her transparency and closeness to Jesus. I sat there thinking... if she found healing...why can't I? Two years had past and I was in a worse state than I was then.
One day I was looking at my new friend's FB page. I saw she had a blog, so out of curiosity I checked it out. It was entitled "Hello Love". I could not believe my eyes. I had been asking God to send someone to help me. So I took a risk and asked my new friend if she would help me. She gladly told me she would.
At the beginning, she suggested some books for me to read. At the end of one of the books...there was a part that ripped open an old wound that I had been carrying for years.
I totally broke down. I could no longer pretend to be strong. I called my friend in tears. I was dying inside and I did not know why.
My friend asked me what was wrong. I did not know. I cried and cried. She cried with me. Then asked me if she could ask Jesus where this pain was coming from. She prayed. Immediately, the Lord brought a memory to my mind. Something I had forgotten. Here's my memory...I was sixteen...just watched one of sisters get beaten. As my sister was being carried away she screamed out that my mom's live-in boyfriend had molested her. I stood there in horror, because two years before that I was molested by the same man, and out of fear I never said a word. I thought it was ALL MY FAULT! I BELIEVED I WAS RESPONSIBLE!
The pain of that memory overwhelmed me! I could not speak...I was crying so hard. Then my friend asked me," WHERE IS JESUS IN THIS MEMORY?" I told her in disgust that Jesus was not there. He ABANDONED me. That's what I believed. So she asked me to ask Jesus where He was in my memory. I laid on my bed...closed my eyes, and asked Jesus where He was.
Then my memory came back, but this time (wow! the tears are flowing) it was different. This what I saw...Jesus was holding me as I laid across His lap. He was gently stroking my hair, and telling me that I am precious to Him. That I am clean and pure. That what happened to me and my sisters was NOT MY FAULT! I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY SISTER'S PAIN.
Jesus REPLACED the LIE with His TRUTH! So now when the devil comes and tells me that it is my fault...that I cause people pain. I can run to Jesus and be reminded of His Truth.
Ladies, I know the sound of Heart Recovery can be scary. You maybe afraid to face your pain. I know a lot times I am. I have gone through probably a hundred hours of Heart Recovery. It is a process of Jesus renewing your mind. Trading your FALSE BELIEFS for His TRUTH! What a deal! When it comes to healing there is no quick fix. Jesus heals you a layer at a time. He's not going to drown you. He ALWAYS comes to the rescue!
I will be sharing more at another time, I can only speak what I know to be true! I love you ladies! Each of you are so precious and worth fighting for!
